Heart
Like a river, there is a way the heart flows.
There are many who try to overcome their addictions, whether it be video games, drinking, or smoking. They try with all their strength and determination, but for the most part, they end up quitting in the middle. This is due to the fact that they do not fully comprehend the world of the heart precisely. Change in life does not come from determination and labor; it is the heart that must first be changed.
A Drug Addict Who Fell into His Thoughts while Eating a Piece of Spoiled Bread
There is a man named Julio who lives in New York in the United States. He immigrated to the United States from South America with his family at a young age. In America, where there is an abundance of material things, drugs are also very commonplace. Even though the government has tirelessly tried to rid the nation of drugs, they have been un- able to do so. As a result, students are easily able to obtain drugs. He had been doing drugs for almost 20 years from his youth. If you do drugs as much as he did, then surely you are a drug addict. He needed drugs, but was unable to hold a job. Therefore, he would beg and steal to get money, and whenever he got money, he would buy drugs. As long as he was high, he did not feel cold, hot, or even hungry, and he felt very comfortable in his heart. As a result of not being able to quit drugs, even though he was still young, he became homeless and slept on park benches.
One day, as the drugs wore off he became very, very hungry, so he searched through the garbage for food. There were pieces of bread from discarded hamburgers that were half-eaten by children and thrown away in the park garbage. He was searching through the garbage and found a piece of bread that someone had thrown away. Julio began to gulp it down. After eating for a while, he noticed that it tasted strange. It was a piece of spoiled bread. At first, because he was so hungry, he was just eating it mindlessly, and he only realized it was spoiled after he became full. He looked at the piece of spoiled bread in his hand, and then at the pieces of the bread that had fallen to the ground, and he fell into this thought:
“What am I doing right now? How did I end up becoming this kind of a person? Everyone else buys and eats fresh bread from the bakery, so why am I eating spoiled bread from the trash? Other people my age are married, and have homes, but for my entire life, I could never imagine buying a home. And I probably will never get married. What kind of a woman would want to marry a drug addict? Of all the cars, would I even be able to have my own car one day, even if it were just a piece of junk? What will happen to me in the future?”
As he looked at himself, he compared himself to others for the first time. “Other people drive and ride in cars. Other people get married and come to the park for a walk with their beautiful wives and children. Other people wear nice clothes and new shoes, but what’s wrong with me? Addicted to drugs like this my whole life, I am just going to live pitifully like this, and this is how my life will end. Drugs have ruined my life.”
As he was doing drugs, he never once thought of this, but for the first time in 20 years, he had discovered what a failure he had become. All of a sudden he wanted to get married. He wanted to live in a comfortable home take his family to the park and play and go to the bakery to buy and eat the bread that he wanted. That kind of heart erupted inside him, but when he looked at his own image, these notions made no sense at all. It seemed that if he continued to live this way he would become diseased, end up suffering, in pain, alone on the park bench, and dead. At that instant, he felt fearful of death in his heart. Regardless, Julio con- tinued to do drugs, was caught by the police and sent to a drug rehabilitation school.
A drug rehabilitation school is a place where you are not allowed to go outside for a period of time, and they train you to quit drugs. From the first day the instructor spoke to the drug addicts who were forced to be there. “Everyone, you want to quit drugs, don’t you? I know you very well. Through your efforts you can never quit drugs. If you re- ally want to quit drugs, then from this moment on, listen carefully to what I say. I have worked as a drug rehab instructor for a long time. I know how you can quit drugs.” The amazing thing was that Julio had already been to rehab twice, and had heard the same instructor speak the same words, but those words had never reached beyond his ears before. But this time, he was able to hear what the instructor was saying. “That’s right. That is what I used to be my- self.”
As Julio listened word for word to what the instructor said, he took a look around him. They were all drug addicts there, but there was no one concentrating on what the instructor was saying. There were people who had their heads down sleeping, people who were messing around with the person sitting next to them, and people dozing off thinking about other things. Julio was like that before, but when he clearly discovered that he could only die from drugs in the very end, his heart began to change. Now he was able to actually hear what the instructor was saying.
As people live, when they think themselves to be right, when they think themselves to be good, when they think themselves to be great, and when they think themselves to be smart, they are unable to listen to anything others are saying. No matter what anyone says, that person will only select and listen to whatever fits his or her own heart. On the other hand, if you are a failure in life, if you are the per- son who has done wrong, and if you acknowledge you are that wrong person, then you can hear the words another person is telling you.
And just like that, Julio was able to say, “Ah, that’s why I wasn’t able to quit doing drugs.” He was then able to concentrate on what the instructor was saying. “For 20 years I have lived being held inside of drugs. But now, if I do it like this, then I can quit drugs.” As he had such thoughts, he was able to gain strength in his heart, and about the time he was finishing his term at the drug rehabilitation school, he was able to completely quit drugs. Now he comes to our church in Manhattan, and his life has changed.
So his life of wearing ragged sneakers and cringing on a park bench to sleep is now over. After thinking about his future and how he would end up dying pitifully, he began to crumble down within. It was because of this that other people’s words were able to come into his heart. There are many people who try to quit playing video games, smoking, or drinking. They become determined and use all their strength and determination to do this. Some people do accomplish this and some do change, but most people fail along the way. This is because people don’t know what the world of the heart clearly is. Change in life does not happen through determination and effort, but it is the heart that must first be changed.
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